Woman Marries Her Dog

Emily Mabou, 29, reportedly married her dog in Ghana. In her statement she reported, “For so long I’ve been praying for a life with a partner who has all the qualities of my dad. My dad was kind, faithful and loyal to my mum, and he never let her down.” She further added that her relationships have all been with “skirt-chasers and cheaters.” The officiating priest exhorted the guests, “rejoice with her, as she has found happiness at last.” As per her plans for babies, Mabou reported she would consider adoption.
A similar story was reported sometime ago from India, where a man married a street dog to atone for stoning two other dogs to death some fifteen years ago. Selvakumar, 33, told the Hindustan Times newspaper that he had been suffering since the incident.
See what we have done with the institution of marriage!!!  Where is it’s dignity? What are we to expect next?

In times of loss and grief

 

I just returned to States from India, attending the funeral ceremonies of my mother, who suddenly passed away after a brief period of illness. The two consecutive trips in four weeks to India got me exhausted physically, emotionally and financially.  As I continue to grieve the loss of my mother, I am consoled and encouraged by the following:

1. My personal faith in Christ is a concrete source of comfort and strength during these days of loss and grief. Christ assures me that death is not the end of life, but rather the beginning of a new phase of life with God. At death, all believers go into the presence of Christ. Paul reminds us in 2 Cor. 5:6-9 that “to be absent from the body is to be present with Christ.” Further, the Christian faith promises us a reunion with our loved ones at the time of resurrection. St. Paul explains this beautifully when he writes, “We believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him…and with the trumpet call of God and the dead in Christ will raise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with him in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever,” (1Th. 4: 14ff). 
2. I have wonderful memories of my mother to cherish. She lived a purposeful, meaningful, and complete life. She devoted her life in the service of others. Her acts of kindness and charity were praiseworthy. She left for us a wonderful spiritual legacy. 
3. The emotional support and encouragement that I continue to receive from extended family, friends and community, is amazing. Their words of comfort have a healing effect, and they are more meaningful and valuable than anything else. I get to experience the constructive side of the community-oriented, interdependent Indian culture.
4. I also have the satisfaction that I and my family had the opportunity and privilege to take care of my mother while she was ill.  My children, who are raised in this country, got to see and experience for themselves what it means to fulfill filial duties in the Indian cultural tradition.  They understand that, in times of crisis, our physical presence is more valuable to our family members, than our American dollar.

As I continue to reflect on this personal experience, I realize that all immigrant families are to deal with this kind of situations as long as they have their parents, siblings and other close relatives living in India or elsewhere. Living thousands of miles away from one’s kin and kiths is painful, and this is especially hard for those who have aging and ailing parents living there.  By way of practical advice, I would suggest the following for all immigrants:

1. Have a current passport and a visa to your home country
2. Have an extra budget or bank account for emergency travel
3. In the event of critical illness of a family member, make use of family leave from your employer to travel to your home country.
4. In the event of the death of a family member, take advantage of the bereavement leave from your employer
5. Be able to explain to your employer/supervisor the cultural norms of grief and bereavement, and the reason why you may need an extended leave beyond what is normally given for bereavement. 
6. When possible, have your family accompany you, especially your children, so that your children can preserve family ties with their extended family. This should form part of our family value.

FROM CEO TO PIZZA MAN

The recent story of a Florida resident, Ken Karpman, a CEO-turned pizza deliverer, caught my attention. He is said to have gone from making $750,000 a year to $7.29 an hour. He now has to depend on food stamps as an additional source of support. His house is now being foreclosed. What a change in life style!! What a trying time it is!!

Ken’s story is only one among numerous other stories that reveal the hardships Americans face today. Millions are laid off from work, and the national unemployment rate is quite alarming. In one estimate the national average of foreclosed homes is expected to reach 3 million by the end of this year. Though there is no immediate quick-fix to our economic problems, let us hope and pray that a stable and stainable economic recovery is not too far from us.

Ken’s story inspires me because he demonstrates the right attitude we must all have these days. His example of humility and sense of responsibility towards his family in this economically harsh environment is something to be commended. In these days we might need to give up our ego and social status to consider jobs that are otherwise deemed too low or undignified. Honest, hardworking, and creative ways of generating some income to meet the end, is always rewarding and satisfying. I know this is not easy to do, but our current social reality demands it. Ken, you have my appreciation. I hope you will have better propspects soon.

A New Day in American History

In his famous speech, “I have a Dream,” delivered on 28 August 1963, at the Lincoln Memorial, Washington D.C, Martin Luther King, Jr. spoke these words:

“I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal.

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia, the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today!

I have a dream that one day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of “interposition” and “nullification” — one day right there in Alabama little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.

I have a dream today!

I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, and every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight; “and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed and all flesh shall see it together.”

With Barak Obama, an African American, winning the U. S. Presidency in the recent historic presidential election, one cannot stop wondering if Martin Luther King’s dream for America has come true, if not fully, at least partially. We have come a long way from the conditions that existed during the Civil Rights Movement era. By electing an African American to the Presidency, the American people have demonstrated their ability and maturity to transcend racial, social, and class barriers that discriminated, segregated, and alienated people from one another for hundreds of years. The fact that the White community can trust a person of color with the highest office of the land is a radical shift in the social attitude.  This is a welcoming and transforming change. However, as everyone would agree, just because we have a non-white President- Elect, it does not mean that lasting transformations have been achieved at the societal level. There still remains for us to overcome racial prejudices and stereotyping; social inequality and discrimination that continue to exist in America today. We have to carry on the work towards improved community relations and racial reconciliation. Let us believe that a new day has been launched in the American history, and that better days are ahead of us, where the “unalienable Rights” of “Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness” that our constitution promises will be available to every citizen of this great nation.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Reflections on Hurricane Ike

 

Houston residents are yet to recover from the aftermath of Hurricane Ike. The devastating effects of such a powerful storm are quite evident throughout the city and beyond the path it traveled. The city of Galveston is literally in ruins. It is difficult to encompass the economic, sociological, and psychological cost of this natural disaster. People’s lives have been disrupted, families have been displaced, and thousands are without water, food and electricity. The loss of lives, especially, is mournful.

This was my first experience of a hurricane and I must say that I was fortunate to find a safe place away from the city. Although the temporary relocation inconvenienced life, it was worth taking that safety measure. The following comes to mind as I further reflect on the experience.

Our attitude: In general people have heeded to the Meteorological warnings about the dangers of the imminent hurricane, and have complied with voluntary and mandated evacuation orders. This helped reducing the actual loss of lives, in comparison to what happened during Katrina. However, a sizable percentage of population in Galveston Island refused to evacuate in spite of repeated appeal to leave the area. It appears to me that their reluctance to evacuate was characterized by defiance, apathy and a sense of self-reliance. It is not yet known how many of them survived the storm, and how many made it to safety at the last minute. The search and rescue efforts are still continuing in Galveston. The media continues to report that what happened to these people remains a mystery. Was this risk worth taking?

Community: I have seen communities coming together to restore communities, to clear neighborhoods from fallen tress, bushes and debris; and families coming to the aid of other families, to supply water, food and shelter. In one neighborhood people volunteered to cook and supply hot meals to those in need. I saw my neighbor helping another neighbor to patch the roof damage. These excellent deeds were over and beyond the relief efforts of the State and the FEMA. These altruistic behaviors that display human charity and brotherhood strengthen community bond and interpersonal understanding.

Faith, hope and Love: It will take months, if not years, to normalize our lives and our communities. The hurricane fatigue and emotional stress will linger with us for a while; nonetheless, there are three things that would keep us going. They are faith, hope and love. An unwavering faith in God that He will carry you through these hard times will keep your mind free from unwanted worries and anxieties. Believing that God will sustain you in His grace will strengthen your spirit. Hoping for the best and hoping for tomorrow will help you rebuild your life again.

MAKING THE MOST OF SICKNESSS

     Jeremy Taylor (1613-1667), was a Bishop of the Church of England who wrote pastoral treatises that provided a Christian approach to the vicissitudes of living, being ill and dying. Taylor believed that sickness was sent by God for the edification and growth of the sufferer; the God who did nothing in vain meant illness to be a school of faith and virtue. Specific burdens and pains of disease taught their special lessons. The sick man’s helplessness inculcated humility of spirit. As the illness ran its own course, the sufferer learned patience by being unable to hurry his own recovery. Most important of all, illness revealed the precariousness of life and taught faith. The threat of the end of life reminded one that life was God’s gracious gift. Thus, the Christian during illness, like an attentive pupil before his teacher, learned much about himself and about the human predicament. Here are some of his central ideas:

1.  Suffering as opportunities for spiritual growth and maturity: 

Resolve to bear your sickness like a child, that is, without considering the evils and the pains, the sorrows and the danger forward and let thy thoughts cast about for nothing, but how to make advantages of it by the instrument of religion.

Be patient in the desires of religion; and take care that the forwardness of exterior actions do not discompose thy spirit; while thou fairest by less serving God in thy disability, thou runniest backward in the accounts of pardon and the favor of God. Be content, that the time, which was formerly spent in prayer, be now spent in vomiting, and carefulness, and attendances; since God hath pleased it should be so, it does not become us to think hard thoughts concerning it.  

2. Embracing suffering with patience: 

He that is afraid of pain is afraid of his own nature; and if his fear be violent, it is a sign his patience is none at all, and an impatient person is not ready dressed for heaven. None but suffering given us the whole stage of our life to exercise all the active virtues of religion, it is necessary in the state of virtues, that some portion and period of our lives be assigned to passive graces, for patience, for Christian fortitude, for resignation, or conformity to the Death. 

3. Experiencing God’s grace and blessings in suffering:

That which remains in the practice of this grace is, that the sick man should do acts of patience by way of prayer and ejaculations…Because God sends it to his servants, to his children, to little infants, to apostles and saints, with designs of mercy, to preserve their innocence, to overcome temptation, to try their virtue, to fit them for rewards; it is certain that sickness never is an evil but by our own faults; and if we will do our duty, we shall be sure to turn it into a blessing. 

4.  Attitude towards Physicians and other nursing personals:

Physicians are the ministers of God’s mercies and providence, in the matter or health and ease, of restitution or death; and when God shall enable their judgments, and direct their counsels, and prosper their medicines, they shall do thee good, for which you must give God thanks, and to the physician the honor of a blessed instrument. Treat thy nurses and servants sweetly, and as it becomes an obliged and necessitous person.

        

LET’S HAVE A CONVERSATION…

1. Does your faith tradition hold a theology of illness and dying? If so, what is it?
2. How do you make sense of pain, suffering, and ultimately death?              

        

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

DO YOU KNOW YOUR NEIGHBOR?

If someone asked us, who are your neighbors, I wonder how many of us can answer that question in an unambiguous manner. How many of us can at least name our neighbors? How many of us have ongoing interactions with our neighbors? I suppose not very many of us.

One of the dangers of the modern world is the loss community, especially with our neighbors. We, of course, have neighborhood garage sales, and housing association meetings. But are they really expressions of social bonds or just another set of business matters?

Have you noticed the old home architecture? Some decades ago most homes had front porches built into the structure, where people could sit and converse with their neighbors. People even interacted with persons walking by. These social behaviors are disappearing these days.

One of the reasons why we don’t interact with our neighbors is that we have difficulty trusting them. We do not know who they are. The problem is augmented by our neighborhoods increasingly becoming demographically diverse. We are afraid of strangers moving into our communities who look different from us. Lack of knowledge about culturally relevant communication and social interaction also keep us way from our fellow citizens. Then there is this fact called the “in-group” and “out-group” phenomenon. We form social relations within the in-group who share a common value or ethnic identity with us, and we exclude those outside of it-the out-group.  Thus we limit our social circles.

           Our sense of self-sufficiency is another factor that keeps us away from our neighbors. We tend to think that we can manage our affairs by ourselves, and that in cases of emergencies, we can always reach out to emergency services (9-11). In many traditional societies, having a good neighbor is considered to be an advantage. They are your immediate social contact.  In times of a need they will be the first one to reach you. In societies like India, neighbors are invited for family functions such as a marriage or a christening ceremony.

Another reason why we are indifferent to our neighbors is that we are not committed to any particular community, owing to constant job-related relocations. Furthermore, we tend to either upgrade or down grade our homes every five years. Other reasons include, today we spend more of our time outside of our communities. From far way jobs, and far away vacations, we just come home for a short break to repeat the pattern again. In these circumstances why to invest in a community?

In short, our personal choices, narrow worldviews, personal prejudices, self-occupation, and the lack of intentionality keep us away from any meaningful engagement with the people who live next door to us. This should change.

Knowing in person who your neighbors are is a solid foundation for forming healthy social relations. It contributes to community development. It provides an immediate forum for socialization. Look for opportunities to know your friends in your area. Invite them for a cup coffee or tea. Exchange recipes. Find out what your common interests are. Hand out cookies or special treats on special occasions or holidays. Encourage your children to develop friendship with the other children in the area. Plan family picnics and out door activities. Exchange postal stamps and other collectables. Make it a fun exercise to learn another language, in case you have a neighbor who speaks a foreign language. Such creative and intentional activities with your neighbors will improve mutual understanding and friendship. 

 

PARENTING- AN AWESOME RESPONSIBILITY

 

 Did you know that Paris Hilton too allegedly wants to become a mother? The story is out there she as saying, “I have lot of beautiful animals that I look after and I feel I would have a lot to give to my children.”  I’m not sure if Paris believes that children are a bunch of “beautiful animals,” like puppies and kittens, but I am convinced that child bearing and child rearing are quite different tasks.  An animal lover doesn’t necessarily turn out to be a good parent. Parenting is much more significant, challenging and conscientious.

Last week I also read about a mother in NY announcing her eighteenth pregnancy. I wonder what motivates this mother to have such a large family in this day and age. I would guess that she has a love for children and that she is able to adequately care for all of her children. I can barely imagine what it looks like, on an average day, to fix a meal for the entire family, or to do everyone’s laundry. Think of the other areas of responsibility like providing education and health care, meeting emotional needs and socialization needs, and providing a safe and healthy environment for children to grow and to achieve their maxim God-given potential. What a call of duty!!!

Parenting is not something that we can take for granted. None of us are born with natural knowledge and abilities for parenting. It is something that we learn and continue to learn. It is a calling in life, and an awesome responsibility. Those of us who are parents know that it takes sacrificial love, dedication, and serious effort to bring up physically healthy, psychologically sound, and socially well adjusted children. Responsible parenting demands consistent discipline and moral instruction. Unfortunately, the popular culture has very little to offer to this kind of parenting.  

Have you noticed; nowadays we talk more about care-taking and less about parenting?  Parenting today occupies less of our time, commitment, and sacrifice. In our passionate pursuit for success and personal fulfillment we have relegated children to the category of “the miscellaneous.”  They have become less of our priority today. The mistaken assumption is that what a child needs is only a good care-taker, it does not matter who that person be; it could be a biological parent, a nanny, or a relative.  Is there any surprise, then, that quite a number of children in our society grow up without really bonding  with their biological parents, and they continue to struggle with issues of loneliness and alienation, constantly looking for love and affirmation. The serious deficits in these early developmental stages affect their personality and social development. For example, according to Erik Erikson, the famous developmental psychologist, when warmth and attention are provided to children, they develop trust. When they are denied they develop mistrust towards others. Lamentably, our understanding of child rearing is flawed.  

The popular culture also wants us to believe that a father figure is not necessary to bring up healthy children. The available research tells us on the contrary. Certainly, a single mother, resourceful and determined, might be able to compensate for some of the deficits in parenting. However, that is only an exception, and not a rule. The absence of a father at home is a major crisis in the contemporary American society. Some statistics indicate that over 24 million father-absent homes are found in the U.S today. The bare truth is that in comparison to children from two parent households, children raised by a single-parent are more susceptible to such risks as educational deficits, high School drop outs, substance abuse, adolescent delinquency, violent crimes, and other social and personal impairments. We need not send our children this path. Parents, resolve in your mind to become the best parent you can be by investing your time, effort, and resources in the lives of your children. That will be a rewarding experience.

 

ON THIS MOTHER’S DAY:

 

Today is mothers’ day; a day to honor mothers who have made children one of their top priorities; first of all by giving them birth, and then by tenderly caring for them. In the words of king Lemuel, recorded in Proverbs 31: 28-29, the reward of motherhood is such that “Her children shall arise and call her blessed; and her husband praise her saying, “many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.”

 

My heart goes out to all those mothers who tell their children that they are being loved, and cared for, unconditionally. I applaud all those who lead their children by example; and those single, hardworking mothers, who struggle to make ends meet, especially in these economically strenuous times. They are the great examples of sacrificial love and care.

 

I am reminded here of Susanna Wesley, the mother of two eminent men who have impacted the world so profoundly, John Wesley, the well-known Methodist preacher and revivalist, and his brother Charles Wesley, the renowned hymn writer who wrote over 5, 500 hymns including “Hark the herald angles sing,” and ” O for a thousand tongues to sing.” Susanna and Samuel Wesley had nineteen children, of which nine died as infants. Susanna herself was the 25th of twenty-five children of her parents. In spite of some significant challenges in her marriage, Susanna was committed to the physical, mental, and spiritual wellbeing of all children. She made it a point to spend at least one hour each week with each child. It is being told that while her children were asleep, Susanna would go to their rooms and pray for each one by name. In one of her memoir she wrote, “I take such a proportion of time as I can spare every night to discourse with each child apart. On Monday I talk with Molly, on Tuesday with Hetty, Wednesday with Nancy, Thursday with Jacky, Friday with Patty, Saturday with Charles.” What an example to emulate!

 

On this Mother’s Day may I encourage my readers to thank your mothers for who they are. Call your mother “BLESSED.”

 

Happy mother’s day!

 

INDIA’S ECONOMIC BOOM & THE EMERGING YOUTH CULTURE

             In a recent seventeen-nation survey, India won the international acclaim for having the most optimistic youth population. “The Indian youth are strikingly more optimistic about their own and also about the future of society,” said Math Lindgren, CEO and founder of Kairos Future Group, who funded the study. Some of the other countries that participated in this survey include Japan, France, Italy, Russia, and China(www.forbes.com/facesinthenews/2007/09/22/India-happiness-survey-face-cx_rd_092…).   

India’s booming economy and growing employment opportunities are said to be the primary contributors to this novel outlook. I remember the mounting unrest and disillusionment that prevailed among the Indian youth until about two decades ago, primarily because of the shortage of employment opportunities. It is reassuring to know that the strategic economic planning of the Indian government, along with the enhanced educational opportunities in the in the new millennia, are yielding positive results today.  The growing middle class is certainly a symbol of India’s accomplishment on the economic front.

Are there any downsides to this apparent economic achievement? India’s open entry to the global market has not only brought economic transformation in the Indian society but also cultural transformation. The impact of globalization on India’s youth is quite profound. With greater opportunities for interaction with the outside world India’s youth is in search for a new self-identity.  Further, there is a hunt for new social values.

             Many reports indicate a notable paradigm shift in the area of value system. For example, radical individualism is on the rise, something that thwarts the traditional values of community and interdependence. Another sway is in the area of priorities. Having a family and raising children is a least priority for most youth today. A good number of them choose to remain single or to marry late. What is most fulfilling to them is having “a good career and a position with high status,” and living and eating well and spending time with friends, as the Forbes report indicates. Beneath this attitude is the hedonistic philosophy that treats individual pleasure as the chief end in life. The new maxim is “make-me-happy.” This way of life, popularized by the satellite TV, mainly MTV, is catching the attention of more and more youth.

A few of the alarming new trends that are noticeable in major modern Indian cities include, an ever-increasing self-indulgent behaviors, lavish life-styles, growing sexual freedom, co-habitation with the opposite sex, and increased tolerance for divorce and re-marriage. One report states, “Parents in Delhi and Mumbai are just as worried as New York parents about the corruption of their children and it may jeopardize their future. Sex, drugs, and rock & roll translate to the same problems in both societies.” (newswing.com/?p=401). A new publication, Sociology of the Youth Culture in India, edited by S.P. Ruhela, (ISBN 81-7341-172-7) provides a revelaing account of these changing values and attitudes. I would recommend this book to the readers. 

Material prosperity alone cannot make a nation strong or its people happy. A nation is strong only relative to its moral foundations and spiritual values. In the absence of conscious efforts to protect the traditional cultural values and institutions, our mere material prosperity can lead us to colossal moral perils that would be too grave a price to pay.